Dreams of Being Hip: I Got a Bike

Well, I finally broke down and let the hipster wash over me. I got a road bike. The kind with the handles that curve towards you and stuff. It's got the thin wheels and everything. I didn't get a fixie because I mean, I'm not that kind of hipster.After riding a bike around for a few days, I've noticed a few things.1. Finding somewhere to lock your bike up is annoying. There are almost never spaces and I feel like the lock is going to mess up the spokes2. How do I blast music out of this thing so people know my tastes in music are far superior to theirs?3. Where do I put the card on the back wheel to get the most realistic motorcycle sound?4. Why doesn't it tell me how many calories I burned?5. Wouldn't it be amazing if they had those sidewalk like bike paths everywhere?That last one is serious. I mean, riding on the street is uncomfortable for me. Sometimes I just throw up a hearty #YOLO and I ride on the sidewalk to get of the street but then I fear la policia (The Police).I just want to ride my bike safely and not next to a bunch of cars. Those steel cages going 40mph aren't exactly what I want to be next to. That's why this weeks dream of being hip is for all bike lanes to be off the street and next to sidewalks.